Love is a feeling that can lead humans to the most beautiful heights in the world, and sometimes even deepest. But surprisingly, people often feel the most associated with them, which give them the most pain. The easier this question seems, the more complex, depth and is associated with personal experiences.
Deep relationship of love and pain
Many people feel that they repeatedly pull towards people who are emotionally unavailable, who have rejected them or who have hurt them. There are not only emotional weeks, but deep psychological reasons behind this trend.
1. Shadow of past childhood experiences
According to psychoanalysts, childhood experiences shape our emotional choice and dislikes to a great extent. If a person has experienced neglect, rejection or unstable love in the early years of his life, he unknowingly repeats the same pattern. When someone ignores him or shows volatility in love, he feels as if he is trying to improve his childhood unfinished relationships.
2. Dopamin and Emotional Stimulation
When we are in pain, dopamine (a feel-gud hormone) is still released in our body. This hormone also works to give happiness in love. When someone rejects us again and again, the instability and uncertainty associated with that person releases dopamins in our brain irregularly, making us more attracted to him. This can be called “emotional addiction”.
3. ‘Achievement’ becomes ‘Achieve’
When no one gives love to us, then his love becomes a goal or challenge for us. It produces a kind of competition in the mind – such as to prove myself that “I am capable of his love.” In this mentality, a person forgets that it is a thing to meet, not to ask for love.
4. Role of low self-respect
Many times when there is a lack of self-esteem of a person, he gets caught in a relationship where he is repeatedly shown or suffering. He thinks that perhaps this is the love he deserves. This thinking gradually maintains it in toxic relations.
5. Impact of films and society
“Toxic relationship” in films, serials and literature is sometimes presented as romantic and ideal love. The society also considers that pain as ‘a sign of true love’. With this, a person assumes that the relationship that does not have conflict and tears cannot be true.
Why is it necessary to break this cycle?
Stay connected to someone who breaks you again and again, not only affects your mental health but can also destroy your self-esteem, career and other relationships. Sachaa love makes you complete, not incomplete. It gives you peace, not insecurity. If a relationship is hurting you again and again, it is time to ask myself-do I love myself? Because as long as you do not love yourself, you will keep allowing those who only give you pain.
How to identify and save yourself?
Increase Self-Awareness-Are you attracted to those types of people again and again?
Create boundaries-Do not lose your self-esteem in anyone’s love.
Take therapy or counseling – If you are trapped in a single pattern, then take help of a psychiatrist.
Ask yourself questions – does this love give me happiness or sorrow?
Recognize and learn to leave toxicity – there is no true love by staying in pain.
Why do we love those who give us the most pain – the answer is hidden in our emotional, mental and social structures. But it is important to know that love is not a pain, but a sense of self-esteem and peace. If there is frequent pain in a relationship, then it is injustice to the soul to bear it as ‘luck’. Understand yourself, love yourself – then you will be able to recognize the right person, who will fill you with true love and respect.
