We all have a lot of questions, but we don’t have a reliable source to get the answers. Through this column, we will try to find answers to such questions with the help of experts. This time a psychologist will answer your questions. Our expert is Dr. Gagandeep Kaur.
• I am 25 years old. Some time ago during a group trip I became very good friends with a girl. Even after the trip we used to talk a lot on the phone and sometimes meet. I started treating her like my sister. But, for the last two months she suddenly stopped talking to me. She also ignores my messages. She has stopped all means of communication. I am not able to understand why she did this or what was my fault in this?
– Anjana Tiwari, Delhi
It is impossible to know what is in your friend’s mind. There can be many reasons why she is not talking to you. In modern language, this is called ‘ghosting’, which has become very common in recent times. It has become more common in romantic relationships than in normal friendships. In a survey conducted by Forbes Health on five thousand people, it was found that 76 percent of people have fallen prey to this trend. I think your new friend is also ghosting you i.e. ignoring you. Just because this trend is very popular, it does not mean that it is easy to recover from it. Someone completely ignoring your presence has a direct impact on self-confidence. I can understand that this question must be coming to your mind again and again that what was your mistake. But, believe me, it is not your fault at all and you cannot control the behavior of the other person. Accept this thing from your heart and move forward in life. By trying to find your own mistake again and again, you are giving more power in the hands of the other person. Avoid doing this. Understand that an emotionally mature person will never behave like this, that is, the other person already had the trait of this behavior in his nature, you just couldn’t see it. As far as the grief caused by the sudden and one-sided breakup of this friendship is concerned, I would not advise you to ignore it. The more you ignore your feelings, the more time it will take you to recover from it. When you are ready, ask your friend all these questions that you are asking me. For this, you can write everything in a letter and then burn that letter. You can record your feelings in a voice note and then delete it. Do this until all the anger in your mind is released. You can also share all these feelings with someone close to you. Believe me, only after all the things inside your mind come out, you will be able to move forward in your life, otherwise this thing will keep bothering you.
• I have a 30-year-old daughter. When she was about 23-24 years old, she told me that she is not in favour of arranged marriage and whenever she gets married, it will be a love marriage. But, in the last six-seven years, she has not been able to find a life partner for herself. We are also getting older and we want her to get married. But, she is not ready to even look at a boy’s photograph. How do I explain to my daughter that arranged marriage is not bad?
– Nandita Verma, Lucknow
Most of the parents are facing similar challenges as you are facing. Everyone has the right to choose their life partner. You have also given this right to your daughter. If she is not able to find a life partner despite trying for a long time, then tell her to try to know what qualities she is looking for in her life partner. Many times children themselves do not know what kind of life partner they want and due to this they are not able to take the right decision or any decision. Many times there are many fears in the mind regarding marriage, due to which they keep postponing this decision. Try to know what is in your daughter’s mind by talking to her. Probe her mind and try to get to the root of the thing that is stopping her from taking a decision. Relationship counselors can also help you in this work. Here it is not about love marriage or arranged marriage. In both types of marriages, you have to understand your life partner and try to maintain the relationship with him. This problem can be solved only by talking to the daughter.
