It is common for Indian parents to be strict many times. Parents are strict so that their child walks on the right path, studies well, returns home on time and moves forward in life. Indian parenting is usually done with love and a little strictness. Even though today’s children are hardly killed by their parents, but the children born in the 90s are beaten up a lot!
At the same time, many times the strictness of parents is excessive. They start interrupting every small thing, ignore the child’s feelings or try to dominate every decision. When this strictness gradually starts harming the mental health of the child, in the language of psychology it is called toxic parenting.
Many times parents become toxic inadvertently and they do not even know about this. Therefore, we talked to Life and MindSet Coach Shweta Kothari and shared 5 signs from which you can identify that your strict parents are no longer toxic.
1. What questions are asked?
Shweta Kothari says that strict parents make rules, but they know the reason behind it and also explain to the child. On the other hand, toxic parents want the child to listen to them without asking anything. If you ‘why?’ If you ask or try to say their words, your parents scold you or get angry.
If the child slowly starts realizing that he has no right to ask, think or understand something. If it becomes necessary for the child to say ‘yes’ on everything and ask questions, then understand that strict parents are becoming poisonous.
2. Do you get love when you do something good?
If parents embrace the child only or show love when they do something good like to top the exam or do some good work. But when he makes a mistake, the parents stop talking to him or get away.
If the child slowly starts to feel that he would get love only when he does something good. Love becomes a reward for him, which is taken away from him when he made a mistake. With this, the child starts connecting his success with his self-values and later it can become mental pressure for him.
3. Are your feelings taken lightly?
When the child is unhappy, weeps or wants to express his feelings, the parents avoid it as ‘drama’. The child is said to, “Don’t be so emotional or why is it reacting so much on such a small thing?” That is, instead of understanding the feelings of the child, it is wrongly evaluated.
When this happens again and again, the child is afraid to say his words and gradually he starts feeling disturbed, unhappy or empty from inside. This is called emotional shutdown.
4. Do you get more advice and more teasing?
If the child makes a mistake, instead of explaining it, parents start scolding him. They start calling the child lazy, doodle or worthless. Such words break the child from inside. He starts doubting himself and gradually his confidence starts to weaken.
5. Do you get fear or guilt?
Many times parents say some such sentences, which have a direct effect on the child’s heart. For example, if you really love, then you do not do so, you will regret one day. From such sentences, the child feels that if he does not listen to his parents, then he is a bad person.
In this case, the child takes his decisions not with joy, but from guilt. Love does not support him, but like pressure.